Confused in the Wardens' Home

((Continued From Regrets))

The grass was cool and inviting under the first tree that Jezarine had healed. Just as the elf healed the person she healed the plants. This oak tree was out of the way and a perfect place to spend soe time no matter what was going on. Whether all was right with the world or wrong. Not to mention that it had a perfect hole one could sneak into and hide beneath the lumbering weight of the tree and multitude of roots.

Tatsoo lay they on her stomach, her arms crossed in front of herself with her head on her hands. Her upper half was still bare to the world as she was fought with herself on what to do, how to come to terms with the changes in her life. There was no fear but there was a lot of confusion.

It had been assumed just over a week before that her lover Shade was dead but now he had come back. Normally she would have run into his arms but with others around she had become confused and did not understand what to do, especially because he said that the teacher and old man were still within him.

She watched a squirrel rush about and sighed. Somehow she would have to face him to see what there was. He said he still loved her and had been without all the time he had been away. Where? Why? How had he been away for years yet it was only just past a week since he'd closed himself in with a horde of darkspawn? How did he get out of that? What had he been doing?

The Chasind woman loved Shade still but she did not know what to do about it.

What direction would she now travel? Tatsoo did not know and she had to get control of herself before she could figure any of it out.

A large belch resounded like a thunderclap behind Tatsoo's prone position. And then a weight rested on her back. "Hey kitten." Garoll greeted Tatsoo, apparently already having helped himself to the cellar's ale stores. He glanced down at her. "You crying, girl? What happened?" he asked her, his face becoming more serious. "Also, very nice back."

Tatsoo heard the dwarf as he came along but she had not expected him to sit on her back. Her head turned and a brow lifted at the scent of the ale coming from his breath, "Ye eva think of bein sober fer long, Garroll?"

She sighed and dropped her head back down to her hands, "Get off, please. Ye be heavy fer such a short fella. An yes ah be crying. Der no shame in showin de emotion." Yet she felt horrid saying it.

The Dwarf got off the honey colored Tatsoo and sat down beside her while she lay on the grass. "I'm sober when I fight Darkspawn. Plus your surfacer ale is superior to the crap we've got back in Orzammar." he knuckled his mustaches a moment. Then he put a sympathetic hand on her shoulder. "So who hurt you, kitten? I say kick his or her ass, dump your beer on him/her and then act all cold and indifferent till they're pleading on their knees for you to take them back. And then after much consideration, and perhaps a chore or two for them, reluctantly accept." He droned on while sipping his mug.

Once Garroll had taken himself off her back and sat beside her she rolled onto her side and held her head up with one hand while the other arm dropped in front of her. Her free hand tugged at the grass as she sighed then smiled at the dwarf. Dwarves always seemed to have that love of life and love of the fight which made them so much fun. She could not help but smile even with the pain in her heart.

Tatsoo chuckled at his ideas on what to do and smiled widely, "It be Shade. 'Member last week when he be a dope an lock himself in de deep roads down below?" She snorted, "Well, he be back. Shade did na die an now he be back. Ahm ... what be the term? Freaked out? Ah mean, ah want him back but afta going through da pain a thinking him dead ah ... well, it messed me up and ah couldna handle it den."

Her eyes became wet but she fought back the tears, "Ah feel like a dumb birdee too confused ta fly."

He folded his arms over his chest after setting his mug down. "See, I think the problem rests with you, kitten. You gave up on him after a week. If it were a few months, sure, I'd be concerned too. But maybe it's my jaded personality from being a Legionnaire talking. Or gas." he chuckled at his own joke and gently rubbed a hand on her back platonically. "Talk to him about it. Get to know him again. Kick him in the daddy bags a couple times."

While plucking grass blade by blade the Chasind woman listened to her dwarven friend explain what he thought and then looked up almost shamefully. She breathed out in a frustrated sigh, "Aye. Ye be right, Garroll. Ahm scared an happy an frustrated ... it just be hard y'know. Ah wanted ta kiss him an hit him and roll him on the ground but dat would not a been good with others about. So ah ran."

Tatsoo shook her head, "Some warden ah be, eh? Ah canna even handle me boyfriend come back from wha we thought was da dead. Den again dat be pretty freaky for normals ain't it? We wardens should be used ta strange stuff by now."

She suddenly blushed and glanced up at him shyly, "Ah haveta admit. Ah kinda wanted him ta follow so ah could be with him alone. It was part messed up and part selfish."

He smiled weakly and nodded. "He'll come to you. Boy like that always does." he said and looked off into the distance, remembering something, a pleasant memory of his time in the Legion. "Drake used ta be a Dwarf, did you know that?" He said in a non sequiter change of subject, hoping to get Tatsoo's mind on more happier topics rather than her confused state.

"Aye. Ah think ye be right, Garrol." She mentioned quietly as she sighed calmly, "Ah just haveta wait 'cause he be off ta talk ta Nygozy."

Tatsoo watched how the dwarf lazily looked off to the horizon then laughed, "Ha. D'ya think me daft? How be Drake dwarf? He not be mage. That be a curse or a wish?" That was one of the funniest things anyone had said to her for a long time.

Elenri walked outside and breatehd the air before coughing, it wasn't pure like the world he left where magic floated through the air and maji walked and flew across the land. The little magic left made Elenri sick to the stomach for what was lost. All because of humans. His silver eyes landed on Tatsoo and the dwarf and he began walking towards them. He stopped a yard away from them and leaned on his staff which was the same as old except it now had a silver orb in it's mouth.

His eyes landed on the dwarf who he watched for a moment. He turned his head looking at Tatsoo with longing but kept his distance. "Tatsoo....May I speak to you alone please?" He tried to stay composed but the longing in his voice was evident.

Garoll barked a good natured laugh. "I shit you not, lass. Drake used to be a dwarf, he served with me in the Legion of the Dead. Apparently during the time I wandered alone down there after falling off the bridge he somehow changed to a human. That's when I met up with him again with the Warden-Commander." he explained, then the hairs on the back of his neck stood up on end a bit and he warily looked to the source of his discomfort: the mage boy Tatsoo was smitten with. He nodded casually to him and hiccuped, downing the last of his ale. "Relax, boy. She ain't my type."

She laughed again at what Garroll said then looked up confused as she felt the air shimmer. There was Shade looking at her and asking that they speak. A twitch of her lips brought a smile to her face and her eyes shimmered with pleasure because he had come to her.

Garroll's comment made her grin and she punched him on the shoulder in a friendly manner as she got up, "Ye be da type ta jump anytin that gave yer de ok but Ah don' think Nygozy would like ye keepin sheep so ye best be out lookin' fer a better type."

Tatsoo chuckled at the joke then took Shade's arm, "Let us go to ma rooms. It be good place ta talk, love."

Elenri smiled and kissed Tatsoo's hand. His eyes fell on the dwarf and he smiled. "Don't worry Master dwarf. I would rather have a Dwarf than a human." He chuckled and looked at his golden beauty."Lead the way, I'll tell you whatever you want to know. No secrets, I promise." He chuckled and lifted his staff. "Would you rather walk or port?" There was a mischief look in his silver eyes as he stared happily into the eye of the woman he had missed more than anything.

As they started off Shade made a joke to Garroll and Tatsoo looked up at him with a frown then gave him a push, "Ah be most human meself, member love?"

She shook her head as she grabbed him by the hand and pulled him along, "We no be portin' inta me room. Ye tall enough ta hurt yerself in dere with one. An it na be too far anyhow."

Tatsoo strode along calmly, sniffing the breeze and sighing contentedly at the feel of the sun on her face. Suddenly she was feeling better than she had for over a week. Shade was back and all was good. There wouldn't be loneliness anymore and she wouldn't have to fight with herself to do things.

She came to what looked like a tumbled wall with rocks strewn all around the base and sides of the damaged structure. The Chasind went through some bushes then knelt while showing Shade to do so as well. She then crawled through a hole into the dark. A few moments later she had lit some candles then a couple of lanterns.

Half of the room had been collapsed but the other half was fine. They had crawled into the living area where there was a comfortable couch to sit on and lanterns to light the room. There was a doorway which was open showing a bedroom with a king sized bed and another door which was closed.

"That be the hallway." She pointed then turned to look up at him, "Ah found dis room an made de outside like a cave. Dere be rocks, branches and dirt keepin' de weather out an de fireplace she still works."

Elenri followed his beloved and smiled warmly. He leaned over kissing her neck. "Oh, but your a special human my heart." He chuckled following her into the den and looked around at the room. "It fits. It's safe, well defendable...cosey." He moved over sitting on the couch and set his staff on his lap. The staff had never left his side since he vanished...390 year ago....was only a week here. He looked up at Tatsoo and smiled. "So, I'm sure you have questions. I will answer all of them as I promised. I only ask that you don't freak out about what I say....and tell no one. Nygozy will be sworn to do the same for where I was....is a place thers will want to go. Besides, most humans don't get what they want they get angry."

He looked at his beautiful lady and watched her. "Did you give up on me?"

"Ahm always watchin the defensible. Ye know dat." She smiled at him. It felt good to have him kiss her neck and touch her but now he sat on the couch, almost as defensible as she was with where she took as a place for her to sleep. Well, not quite but he did look like he was ready in case anything came bounding into the room.

Tatsoo nodded, "Ah will na tell anyone but dependin on de information is whether I be freakin or not. Ah will try though. Just d'na get upset if ah have ta think about things an let myself gnaw at stuff a bit. Ahm thinking dis be very strange what ye will be tellin."

She laughed then smiled at him, "Ah know an elf who at one time be angry any time he neva got what he wanted. He would accept much but still be mad until he learned ta trust his teacha."

When he asked if she had given up she bit her bottom lip, "Ah tried not ta. Ahm na good with loss, Shade. People dey would talk an say Ah needed to get ova ya. Dey were not our friends but de staff who heard us when we were healin' with Jez. Ah hid, Shade. Ah couldna help it. Ah hid an today was de first day ah came outta hiding an only cause'a curiosity. When ya ported in ah ... ahm sorry, love. Ah didna know how ta feel or act or if Ah should feel or act some special way. What be da courtesies when de love ye lost 'pops' back inta yer life?"

He leaned back trying to relax but it wouldn't happen. "I don't know, Your the first woman I ever loved....the first person i truly every trusted. If you vanished I would tear this world apart to find you, and if someone had hurt yu or taken you from me. I would have destroyed everyone to get at the person who did it."

He took a deep breath. "What I tell you....It will be unbelivable but true." He looked at the ceiling than breathed in. "I locked the door behind me so no one would follow, I went down a passage...down deep into the earth. I was met by Darkspawn but I destroyed them. I came to a cross way with two paths. One was pure evil and the path i should have taken.....The other was a path that held something else. Something....not normal even for this world."

He closed his eyes remembering that place. " I met...Well it said it's name was Uthra. I can't explain it...nothing in this world would ever explain what it was. Evil...more evil than darkspawn and the Arch demon. Something so evil that the Arch Demon would flee and never return if it met it. It became a battle like nothing I have ever faced. We lashed out with magic and will...I lost....it lost...We were both destroyed. My spirit was hurled through time and I appeared in a land that no longer exsisted. I was given a body frm a star and became Elenri. I became Star Elf. I was placed in the time of the great elven maji when they were at there peak. Before humans rose up against us. I grew older and stronger, learned magic that hadn't been seen since the elven maji themselves. I learned to truly transform, to use true magic of the elements, shields of magic that could protect battalions. For three hundred years I lived in a world of magic and power. There was a woman named Cata there wh became my friend. She could have become more but I was blessed with my memory of you. I became a old man, powerful, wise, old. Cantankorus some of my students would say. For two hundred years I was a teacher, a guide, a well of information. I have studied tomes that no longer exsist, have conversed with animals and creaures no longer seen. And have learned many new forms and power. I was on my death bed when my students and my friend came to me. They offered me a gift...to return here and die with you. I did not expect to be made young again with my power and knowledge."

He looked at Tatsoo and sighed. "Now you know where I been."

It began with Elreni speaking and Tatsoo trying to stay quiet but as soon as he said he had closed the door to the rest of them when they were trying to stop the darkspawn horde from escaping into the keep she found it difficult to keep her calm and not react about it. She clenched her fist over her mouth and bit it to keep from speaking or yelling. It would not get them anywhere for her to react during his explanation.

So she waited, not patiently but she did wait. She shifted her weight and gulped, bit her index finger and watched his eyes impatiently until he finished. Then she shook her head and sighed.

"So ye left ta fight a beastie dat could'a killed us all 'cause it woulda got out or sommat?" She shivered, "Yer older self musta done that as ye did na have de skill fer dat alone."

Tatsoo snuggled up to him and looked up at his eyes, "Shade, ye be back fer more than me. Ye said ye have ta see Nygozy but ken it wait? We've been apart longer den we ever have before, more ye then me, but Ah want ye ta me fer a while."

Elenri kissed Tatsoo and pulled her close. "My love, I have all the time in the world now and I can see Nygozy later. But there is something you must do for me. Shade died in that passage with that creature. I have the spirit and memory but the body is gone. I am Elenri now...if you can still accept me as what and who I am I will stay. My love for you has not changed." His fingers stroked down her spine and he flicked his finger casting a ward around the room so no one could hear, see, our enter the room until he wished it. "I have many new tricks and spells to show off, I need you by my side. Tatsoo."

Tatsoo kissed him back willingly and gave in to his wish to have her closer. She smelled his neck and moved back a bit in wonder as the scent was not quite right and that confused her. Her honey gold eyes gazed up at him just as he explained to her what he now was but it was still quite confusing.

Shade was dead.

So what was Elenri if not Shade? He had the spirit and memory but ... what else was he?

Was that why she was so confused in the training hall? "El ...awn ree? Ah, Ah don know what ta think. Ta be honest Ah be confused. If ye not Shade but ye have Shade's spirit an memories den what ye be?"

The touch to her spine awoke her senses just as his touches always had before and she whimpered in interest but she had to find out exactly what he was now. For her own sake and curiosity. She'd always been curious and this was something she needed to know to make sure she would be making the right decisions, even if her system kept yelling at her to just stop thinking with her mind and go with what the rest of her body wanted.

Elenri leaned back and stared at her. "I am a being with the memories of another, the spirit of a person with much anger inside and love that is blinding. I am a echo of what he was, a voice to what he could have been. I am in a word his Reincarnation. But I was born in and out of this and another world. I have no mother or father here. Nor do I have siblings except the stars. I am in a word....the Star Elf. What i am is a enomaly in this world someone who doesn't belong yet at the same time can't be rid of. I am a elf who loves you deeply and want to be with you. But I am also here for another purpose...one that must be done." His lips pressed aginst her collar bone gently but lightly enough to where she could pull away if she wished.

He was dead but yet he was not dead. That was what was messing her up. His scent was of Shade but not of him and that is what was so confusing. He was but he also was not the man she had loved. This fact tore at her mind, pushing her in different directions as she considered each word carefully.

His kiss upon her collarbone brought about her animal side, the want that went deep down within her, and made her whimper that want into his hair as her arms wrapped around him. She brushed her cheek against his head as she shook from trying to come to terms with everything he had said.

"Ah ken smell ye as Shade but Ah smell de star as well. Dis is..." Her eyes closed as she pressed her back against the couch, still holding onto him, "When de wolf takes a duck when it be dead den de duck does not share it's memories or wants wit de wolf. De wolf does not later wish to be with de ducks. Ahm confused, Shade ... ah ... El..awnree. What ye be is not de normal thing."

Tatsoo put a hand under his chin to lift his face so she could see into his eyes, "Ah want ye. D'not get me confusion wrong but Ah ahm confused. Remind me who ye be within. De memories. Tell me what only Shade be knowin' of me."

He smiled kissing her hand. "You were born in a tribe and raised as a hunter, you were gifted even then. But the Darkspawn tore through your people and you were forced to flee. You fought and worked with Nygozy. You are a golden werewolf and I chased you the first time I saw you, I had your ankle in my jaws before I recognized your smell. You carry two scimitars and have the power of the wind, you cleared paths for me while I sent a wall of flame down the hall to destroy Darkspawn. You and I went flying and we ate together out on a picnic. And I have never forgotten the passion when we first kissed." He sat there staring into her eyes "Was any of that correct?" His fingers traced circles on her lower stomach as his silver eyes held the golden ones. "I also remember how wild you can be in...private." He smiled playfully as he stared at her.

He sounded like Shade but not. Smelled like Shade but not.

Tatsoo traced Elenri's nose with a finger and looked into his eyes, "So ye in essence be Shade. Ta me that what ye be. D'na expect me ta call ya different." She touched his lips with the finger as she watched his eyes and her own softened, "Ye said yer body be energy but it feels like flesh ta me. Ahm in da mind ta test dis theory."

She kissed him hard with passion and made sure to test the theory.

Elenri held her and kissed her back, moving his head around to her neck. "Well then form me, Shade was never my real name anyway. It was a name I chose to go by out of fear. I am ready to release that fear and have. I am Elenri the Star Elf....and I love you Tatsoo." He laid her down and fell into her embrace.

-Time skip.....6 hours lol-