Tainted

Calliara sighed, looking proudly the tent now ready, and nodded to herself. After placing inside her few belongings, the bag Drake gave her and Fenrir's favourite blanket she felt that everything was ready and done, and now she had time to face what it was going to happen.

The pain

Her lungs ached and she frowned, breathless for a moment and listening to the sibillant sound from her chest. Fuck my luck. The Dalish closed her eyes, resting a hand on her chest and the other one on her forehead, feeling the sweat covering her skin as the pain grew.

Let's go somewhere. I don't want this to be a spectacle Calliara looked around and left the guitar inside the tent, and then walked to the woods, far from the camp and the Spoiled Princess and the lakeshore, and the questions and the pity in everyone's eyes and...

The first nausea hit her like a tidalwave, and she barely had time to kneel near some bushes when she threw up again, but this time was mostly blood. Charming. Tiredly she began to dig a hole with her bare hands so she could hide the taint her body was throwing out.

''Vir Bor'assan'' Calliara whispered to herself, with a pained smirk. ''Bend but never break. Bend but never break. Bend but nev...''

Another nausea. May the Creators wish that no one would find her for a while

Nearby was Marcus, who was walking about the forest, looking for dead wood he could use for carving. He heard the sounds of retching nearby and went to go investigate. There he saw her, Calliara, retching into the bushes nearby. He walked up to her and folded his arms over his chest, offering a small smile to her. "Vomiting voraciously my vexing vixen?" He asked her with a slight chuckle. "Too much to drink at camp I take it?" He said to her, placing a hand on her shoulder comfortingly giving a small squeeze.

He hadn't noticed the blood but he could smell it. His smile faded.

Marcus. How unfortunate for him.

"Too much to drink at camp I take it?"

Calliara sighed and managed to shake her head slowly, trying to keep her hair out of the way and trying to wipe some blood from her lips.

''I wish that was the case'' She tapped his hand on her shoulder, her voice hoarse. ''Don't worry for me, it's just some things I have to deal with because of what I am. Nothing serious. I'll be fine''

He looked down at his friend concernedly. She was a Warden but they didn't all start vomiting blood on a dime. Something else was wrong with her. "Well, my wonderful woman. Would you regale me with why you're wounded within?" He asked her, trying to maintain his Durbans persona to cheer her up with his ludicrous speech patterns. He liked Calli, after all, but she loved another and while that hurt him personally, he reserved himself to his role as a friend. He offered her his oafish smile. "Maybe it'll help to talk to me about it, maybe not, but I do know something is troubling you."

"Maybe it'll help to talk to me about it, maybe not, but I do know something is troubling you."


Calliara smiled softly, looking terribly pale. ''I am so sorry, Marcus. That's something I cannot tell you... Grey Warden's sacrifices. I just can tell you that it's not pretty. I was... seriously ill when I joined the Order. The 'illness' couldn't be suppressed, just... put on hold''

The Dalish shrugged lightly, as if she was saying Not a big deal, just duty

''This is something I have to live with for the time I have, and I regret nothing''

The huge elf's brow furrowed in an 'I don't believe you' look. "Bah, you're unusually sunny today." He said sarcastically, arms still crossed over his chest while Durbans clinked a bit behind him. He wished she would tell him. Friends tell friends their problems, don't they? "Come on, you can trust old Marcus. Even a mercenary has feelings you know."

"Come on, you can trust old Marcus. Even a mercenary has feelings you know."

And yet he insisted. Creator's mercy. Calliara shook her head slowly, feeling a strong headache growing, and finally sighed.

''Very well. As you wish. Do you know what happens when someone is poisoned with the darkspawn taint? Death happens, in the best of cases. In the worst, you change. Into one of them. Slowly and painfully. I was infected when Duncan found me and offered me a place with the Wardens. Because of my Keeper's healing spells I was able to live all the way to Denerim, but day after day, the pain was getting worse. Unfortunately, the Joining just stopped the taint, but it didn't make it disappear. Sometimes I just can't breath. Sometimes I can't talk. Sometimes my bones hurt so much that I can barely move. Sometimes I can't see. I can feel the darkspawn further than other Wardens because I was closer than anyone to become one of them when I became a Warden. I feel their... smell, the evilness, the things they've done and the things they want to do with others, and that makes me sick, being near to them''

The Dalish smiled tiredly. ''I am an archer since I was eight, but with the Wardens I was banished to the last line because if I'm close to darkspawn I'll most likely throw up on them. That's why Bowen doesn't want me to melee with them, even if I do it anyway. This is my answer and my truth, and I have nothing else to say''

Marcus listened to her story and the symptoms carefully. This was well out of his ability to heal. Still, he had to be the one to lift her spirits since no one else could at the moment. He placed a hand on her shoulder and smiled. "I just came up with a brilliant counter attack for the Darkspawn! Projectile vomit! That'll show the black blooded blackguards ((pronounced blaggart)) we're a band not to be battled!" He chortled for her. It was all he could do to cheer her up.

"I probably cannot cure your illness, but I do know some herbal teas that can settle the stomach and imbalance of once's life energy which you seem to have. It cannot remove the taint, but it can make it easier on you. If but a little." He smiled reassuringly.

''You can try, if it pleases you'' Calliara smiled tiredly. ''I am also certain that Bowen would approve your new weapon of choice. Projectile vomit. Ick''

She shuddered, her pale skin already covered with cold sweat and looking ill in spite of her usual calm expression. ''Just be aware of this, Marcus. I cannot be cured, so don't try or don't feel bad about it''

"The Darkspawn has already beat you out on the projecting vomitile attack." A cool voice spoke from within the bushes as the shifter moved into the clearing the two were in, "It's called Brood Mothers."

Drake knelt down beside Calliara and rubbed her back, "How bad is it this time?" He asked in a light, gentle tone while getting his water pouch for her.

"How bad is it this time?"

Calliara smiled tiredly, and drank a bit to spit it afterwards before answering. ''Between 1 and 10 I'll say a 7''

Still trying to protect her hair from being a stinky mess, she threw up one more time and sat down on the grass, tired and sick. Without thinking, she grunted a blasphemy, a thing which was wonderous is someone so quiet and calm.

''I didn't wanted anyone to know. The other Wardens knew, and they were always taking care of me and treating me like a child. I remember once that I was so fucking ill that I couldn't walk, and they all panicked like a bunch of hens and spent the days after that bringing me blankets, or soup, and all kind of stupid things to make me feel better. They were all...'' Suddenly her face changed, the wall cracked, and the full sadness and pain she hid appeared. ''... like children... incredibly stupid but loving children... Even the oldest ones... And now they... they...''

The Dalish almost sobbed like a little girl but remembered where were she and who were with her and raised her head, serious again. ''I think it's better that we go back. Bowen will grow worried if he doesn't see me soon and I don't want him to know that I was fighting in first line''

Marcus nodded to Drake when he entered the scene, already going about reassuring Calliara. Marcus backed off, watching the two of them, and listening if anyone was approaching. "I'll see about making her some tea to at least mask the sickness. I won't say anything about it to the others if you don't want me to, Calli." He offered and then walked back towards the camp, contemplating what could be done for her without treating her as she had said before, half choked up, as a child.

Wardens. He mentally sighed.

Drake kept an impassive expression on his face while Calliara spoke. He was not about to attempt to baby her or treat her like an invalid. He could see her strength for what it was and would help her to find her place with her weaknesses. The fighter promised that to himself and to her in a mental whisper kept within him.

"That is much appreciated, Marcus." Drake said with a slight smile to show the man he meant the words, "Let us walk, Calliara. The fresh breeze may bring about a renewal to your stamina. If it suits you, maybe we can hunt for a deer or something else for supper as well. I am sure this mob will require more."

He put out a hand to gently help her up.

The coming evening was pleasant with a warmth to the air which indicated the warmer temperatures down from the mountains. It always seemed strange how there could be such a different climate within even a day's ride between terrain but she seldom thought of it too much. Today was different as her mind was in gear, checking out the perimeter to make sure that all was well for the whole group. Now was time to start making sure there was ample wood, clear lookouts and other small duties taken care of.

Others had gone off after their chores had been completed. Some were at the fire chatting and drinking and still some more had not returned from their own duties. Guremi was one of the latter, not because she'd been given much in responsibility but because she noticed this dead tree which could become a problem. One good gust of wind and it could fall over right onto one of the tents pitched close by.

The tall woman took an axe and checked the edge with a finger, giving it quick flick to see how sharp it was. A touch of blood oozed from the tip of her digit and she licked it off. Her axe was in good form as all her other supplies were. She swung it, hitting at a decisive angle to make her notches in such a place as to have the tree fall away from the camp and onto the ground where none would be affected.

Swing, check, swing again. She was no lumberjack and the tree probably would fall where she intended as she had cut down trees before but she did not notice the angling in the tree which made it possible for the wooden object to twist and roll. Only one who had experience as a tree jockey would know this form of knowledge.

The tree creaked and turned at an odd position, creating a danger to the woman even though she did not know it.

''Thank you, Marcus. You're so sweet...''

The Dalish smiled and accepted Drake's hand. She felt better now, although the sadness was still there, and the pain was still there as well. But she decided she deserved enjoying a little time with the one she had chosen.

Calliara said nothing, but followed him. The night was so quiet and the moon was so blue over the lakeshore. The water made smooth sounds.

''I never saw the sea until I arrived to Denerim for the first time. Bowen and Gunnar took me to the harbour to see it. Even if the air was stinky and the water was dirty, I thought it was beautiful. Then I saw open, clean oceans when we were travelling to Weisshaupt, and I thought it was... beautiful. There's nothing more beautiful than my mountains and my forests though, but I liked it'' She looked at him and smiled softly, a bit shy and feeling a bit stupid. ''I like this lake too. Maybe I like it because I am seeing it with you''

She kneeled beside the water and touched it, avoiding his eyes and trying to hide her own embarrassment, but kept talking. ''I don't talk so much, you know. I know you don't, and that's one thing I like about you. There are things that have no need to be said. There are things that just need to be done. Sometimes words are necessary though...''

Calliara looked at him again and whispered sweetly ''Ma emma lath... Ma'arlath... I don't know better words than those''

Marcus nodded to Calliara as Drake started to walk with her. He had made the tea and given it to her and sighed, combing his fingers through his brown hair. He decided to leave the two alone and go clear his head by cutting some trees down. After all, he was good at that. As he made his way to the nearby woods his eyes widened as he saw a tree tilting precariously with the woman Ser Guremi beneath it. Charging forward, he unstrapped Durbans from his back. "Move! She's gonna fall!" He yelled towards the red-haired woman. He dove forward, tackling her to the ground just away from where the tree finally collapsed behind them.

Leaves flew up and boughs cracked. Marcus opened his eyes and looked down at the woman. He only grinned. "Well now... Didn't think I'd have you under me quite like this." He chuckled. His face turned serious after. "What did you think you were doing? Lumberjacking should be left to the professional of the group, eh?"

The talk was sweet and sad yet he listened in attentive silence even though he wished to be able to come up with the words which would show his apt interest in her feelings and how she thought. He could sometimes come up with words which would soothe but for the most part Drake was a silent man who kept an eye out for whatever could be seen. It paid to be vigilant and speak little except when it came to matters of love.

It was not likely that this man could ever come up with poems or song to show his devotion and he much rather took a more direct route to whatever he wished to do. This was a reason he had stayed with Dwarven folk for so long. They were direct and easy to get along with unless there was some form of royal intrigue. The regular folk could be that way as well but not so much.

His eyes kept a vigilent watch on her and their surroundings as he smiled back at her, took her hand and kissed the back of it, "Those words are worth more than gold to me as your love is more important than light itself."

The yell was unexpected and even though this woman could be fast she had not thought that someone would be there in so fast a time. She hit the ground in a roll, ending up on her back and looking up at this man who had just made sure that she would not become a pancake while dirt, leaves and other debris plunked down on and around them.

"Well now... Didn't think I'd have you under me quite like this."

His chuckle was warm and amused as he grinned but he turned serious in but a flash of a moment, "What did you think you were doing? Lumberjacking should be left to the professional of the group, eh?"

Her nose wiggled for a moment as if she were distinguishing some smell or another but she continued to look at Marcus's face while he spoke. The fall had not left her addled as she'd hit the ground much harder than that in the past and been back up fighting but this was different. This was not fighting or even play fighting. It was a confusion after being saved from something she had not expected in the least. A Darkspawn she would have expected but not the tree falling towards her like that so quickly and Marcus saving her.

Finally she caught her breath, "I've cut trees down since I was a child. This one seemed no different than any other. I even gauged the direction it would land but it didn't." Guremi's eyes were confused by that fact, "I admit I am no professional though."

Red hair was draped over her face and she tried to blow it away as she was caught beneath Marcus then she blinked and turned her head slightly while still looking at him, "Hey." A thought tickled her mind as she'd just noticed something he'd said, "In what way did you think you'd have me under you?"

Guremi was not disturbed by the comment. In fact, she looked like it amazed her that anyone would think of her anywhere near them except in a military fashion.

There was a brief silence as they stared at each other and Marcus waited for his question to be answered. Finally Guremi spoke. "I've cut trees down since I was a child. This one seemed no different than any other. I even gauged the direction it would land but it didn't." She said, and then admitted she wasn't a professional. Marcus nodded, then flicked her forehead. "You forget that this forest is on a hill. The gravity forces the trees to fall towards the lake." He grinned at her again.

And then silence fell again. Guremi tried adjusting her hair while still being pinned down. Marcus only just then noticed and released her, rolling off to the side and picking up Durbans. "In what way did you think you'd have me under you?"
She asked. Marcus looked over at her, lifting an eyebrow. "Did I say that aloud?" He combed his fingers through his hair again. "Heh... verily voiced, my voluptuous, vexatious vixen..." He regressed back into his Durbans persona, saying one of the alliterative lines he used on her when they first met.

Calliara smiled again and nodded, standing up again, close to him.

''That's what I meant. There are no words needed. Not between us.'' She whispered, tracing the lines of his face with her fingertips, and then his lips ''You can't imagine how grateful I am for finding you. I can't even imagine it by myself. I just wish we could spend some time to know better each other, but I supposse that it just can't be.''

She shrugged, with a resigned smile, almost sad, and looked to the water and the Tower again. ''Gunnar and I came here once, with Kieran, to collect some lyrium from the Circle supplies. Kieran was the Mage the Wardens had at that time. He began teaching me how to write and read. Bowen tried to teach me too, but he can't read or write Ferelden language very well, just speak it, and serving here learning Nevarran it's not useful'' She laughed, and turned again to look at him ''Can you continue teaching me?''

"My attempts at imagination are limited; however, it never occured to me that I could find one such as you. It is beyond belief but here you are." He strode lightly across the field almost as if he were not there, his footprints left close to nothing behind.

The tower loomed before them making the quiet man stop and gaze at it, his eyes welling with memories of the place. What Calliara said caught his attention making him turn his head and smile at her, grateful that she would think of him as a possible good instructor, "If you wish to learn then I shall be your teacher, no doubt about that. I have no books for such a thing but if the First Enchanter Irving could ... no, but I cannot go back in there. It is not my place. I can pick up some books when we get to Denerim. Until then we can study the best we can, when we can."

"You forget that this forest is on a hill. The gravity forces the trees to fall towards the lake."

Her eyes shifted to look towards the shore and the drop they narrowly missed, "It has been too long since my days in the wood." The voice that came through was low and raspy indicating a mental slap of some sort taking place in her mind, yet a sad one, a longing that delved further than the words could even tell.

"Did I say that aloud?" His words made her look back at him, a slight smile returning to her features as she sniffed the air, "Heh... verily voiced, my voluptuous, vexatious vixen..."

"Keh!" She chuckled, "Don't play the fool with me, Ser Marcus. I have seen through your guise of non sanity and know you for what you are." Guremi rolled onto her side to face him better, propping her head upon her hand while her elbow set upon the ground, "Fooling me is not so easy as it is with others. Now tell me ... Marcus ... why do you put on such airs?"

The Elf smirked a bit that she knew what he was like outside of his Durbans persona. He shook his head helplessly. "I am a foolish fool who fancies himself a fake fool for fun." He said simply, shrugging his shoulders. "Really, I just play Durbans because it amuses me and it keeps people off balance. Because people cannot comprehend insanity, I act as such as a means of protecting myself." He explained, sitting down with his arms propped on his knees. He watched Lake Calenhad in the mean time.

"I may be a walking thesaurus, but I am no good with words." He looked over at her with an "If you can understand what I mean" expression.

"So you hide under a mask so as not to show your true personality for fear of loss and rejection?" She asked while sitting up, "It is a sad state of affairs in this world if we have to mask everything and pretend we are what we are not." Guremi said quietly, contemplative on her own considerations as she too carried her own masks to ensure her own safety.

Guremi looked down to the water and sighed, "True insanity is something you do not wish for. I have seen many who have gone crazy and you are not, yet." She chuckled, "And one does not always require words to get a point across. Flowery words mean nothing if there is no true meaning or truth behind it."

"So you hide under a mask so as not to show your true personality for fear of loss and rejection?" asked the red haired knight. Marcus arched an eyebrow at her. "Don't put words in my mouth. But I suppose that's one reason, yes. To be frank, Durbans is more interesting than I am." He admitted, shrugging his massive shoulders (for an elf). "True insanity is something you do not wish for. I have seen many who have gone crazy and you are not, yet. And one does not always require words to get a point across. Flowery words mean nothing if there is no true meaning or truth behind it." Guremi admonished.

Marcus smiled again weakly. "I do not wish for insanity. I just act like it. I have my reasons." He said dryly. He took a sip of water from his flask.